ATHF Crack
by pinkluver93
Summary: ATHF pairings that should NEVER EVER happen
1. CarlXShake

These are ATHF pairings that should NEVER happen. lol. First one is CarlXShake. Enjoy :)

Shake comes over to Carl's doorstep. He sees the newspaper and tries to take it. Carl steps out. "Don't even freakin' think about it." Shake backs up a bit. "What? You don't even read these! All you do is wipe your ass with them!"  
"Look, I can't afford toilet paper. They're very useful to me! What do you use them for, Cup?" Shake thins for a moment.

"I use these to....review....good and bad 80's bands." Carl sparked interest.  
"Hey, I should write about this. Okay let's see, uhh.."  
There goes Carl talking about things I don't care about, Shake thought. Wait, he's talking to me! Wow, he usually shooes me off the lawn with his shotgun by now. Hmm.

Finally, after 50 long minutes, Carl finishes.  
"But yeah. They thought aliens existed, so that's pretty much all the good bands from the 80's. Wait I know some real bad ones! I was so drunk when I went to.."  
Damnit, Shake thought. I'll never get outta here. Then, Shake starts to look at his pants. He wanted his clothes so bad for some reason. He wished he could be Carl. He was so succesful at getting women and all, he would be him if he could. It's kinda cute, Shake thought, how he talks forever about anything. He found one topic he wanted Carl's opinion on.

"Hey Carl," "Yeah?"  
"What do you think about...uhh...guys having..pasionate gay relationships?"  
"Well, you know, I don't hate them or anything. I don't mind what they do but, I don't know, I've always wanted to try it and.."  
Carl continued to talk, but Shake pretended to listen. That was all he needed to hear. Shake wanted to "try it" too with his lone wolf neighbor. Would he tell him how he might feel? I can't, Shake thought. He'll cut my straw off! Maybe we could start slow. Then, Shake's ears peeped up to what Carl said next.

"Well, I'm gonna get some beer from the store. I'll be back."  
"Uhh, Carl?"  
"Yeah?"  
"We could, talk about things and drink tonight if you want."  
"Uh, well what the hell. Alright, just don't go in the pool, there's creepy crawly things in there. I'll be back." Carl drove off in his car, soon to be back.  
Maybe tonight wil be the night, Shake thought, smiling. 


	2. IgnignoktXFrylock

All is good in the New Jersey neighborhood. Shake is out at the pool, Meatwad was is in his room, and Frylock finally had peace and quiet in the living room. It hadn't been this quiet in about three weeks due to all kinds of terror happening. Usually, those two would go at it and annoy the hell out of Frylock, but they, like Frylock, wanted a simple R&R day too.

Frylock almost fell asleep in the chair, when suddenly a ship came crashing down on the front lawn. "Aw, what the ****?" Before he could get up, Ignignokt had crashed through his window, but without his sidekick.

"Take it easy, human-like creature. I only come to...chill and not party hardy." Frylock wasn't fooled.  
"No no no, you're not pulling your little schemes here! Get out!"  
"Come on man, just chillax. Everything is cool like the fool rule."

Frylock took a pondering eye to this. "Man, what's wrong with you? Are you high?"

"Take a look, potato being, what is missing from my usual presence?"  
"......Some plan to sabotage my day."  
"You're getting closer, Fryman. Here's a hint, his name is Err and, he's not with me like he usually is."

"Oh, of course." Frylock was a bit confused. "Well, not that I really care, but where is he?"

A scene of Err and a Space Rabbit. He's trying to run from it.

"Stop chasing me man! I just wanted my damn check!" The rabbit picks him up and eats him. "AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Ignignokt finally answers. "Oh, he had to......move to one of Jupiter's moons. So, now he's gone." Frylock had some sympathy.

"Well, that..is actually sad. I expected you to blow my house up or something. But I guess you just wanna hang out and-"

Ignignokt quickly interrupted him. "You're amazing."

"What?"  
"What?"

"You said I was amazing." Ig seemed a little embarassed.

"Sorry, just had to let it out, Fryman. I think you're....cool."

"Really? After all the times I've thrown you out?"

"That is no big deal. I've always wanted to...you know, hang out with you and stuff. I just didn't know how to ask."

Frylock smiled. "Well, you asked now. But we can be cool if you stop corrupting Meatwad." Ig felt more happy.

"Well Fryman, I was hoping we could have time to ourselves. No annoying idiots around, just...us."

Frylock smiled again. "Hmm, sounds like a good idea. You're a pretty cool moon dude, you know that?"

Ig paused and kissed Frylock for about 6 seconds. "Mmmm, and same to you, Fryman, or Frylock I mean. Saturday night we shall party hardier! I gotta go, I'll be here Saturday." They said their good-byes and Ig left.

Frylock was speechless after that. He was very excited about so many things right now. I kissed a man, he thought.........I think I liked it... 


	3. MeatwadXHappyTimeHarry

Meatwad was eating carpet in his room. Shake was out of the house doing pointless things as usual, and Frylock was in his room, so he could finally have a chance to relax....and enjoy the silence....and eat carpet. Then, all of a sudden, a familiar being busted through the window. Meatwad smiled big when he saw who it was.

"Happy Time Harry! You're back!" Harry walked over.  
"Yeah, tell me something I don't know, dim-wit." "Okay, ummm lemme think. I eat carpet, I like to watch them Golden Girls, I like to make sculptures outta doo-doo and eat them, oh! I also like-" Harry quickly stopped him.

"Look man, that is SUCH interesting info, but, where would the liquor in your house be?"  
"I don't know, Frylock says I'm not allowed to know where the liquor is or drink it, but I saw him and I think that the Carribean Rum is in the top kitchen cabinet and the Vodka is in the bottom cabinet and-"  
"Ok thanks." Harry started to leave when Meatwad became sad.

"I always seem uninteresting to people, even my old friend, that's why..." He started to tear up and get his sad face. "People always walk away from me." He was crying at this point.

Ah man, Harry thought. That Fry guy's gonna hear him cry and see me. Poor kid, he's kinda cute though. Harry decided to comfort him by patting him.

"Nah man, it isn't like that. I never liked listening to people, it's nothing against you. I...I actually kinda like you." This made Meatwad smile.

"Really? Even back in the day when you were throwing those toy soldiers at me? Or when you were setting dynamite off on me?" Harry felt guilty.

"Well, I don't know. I like you alot anyway, okay? Now how bout I get that liquor and we can chill out together?"

"That sounds good!" After he said that, Meatwad hugged him. "You're the best person I've ever known! I love you!"

Wow, Harry thought again. Does he know what he's actually saying? I mean, he is dumb. Well hell, I don't mind it. I'll say it too! "I love you too, Meat." 


	4. FrylockXCarl

Carl sat in his chair watching another porno, as usual. But he wasn't that excited about it, he felt under the weather. Man, it feels weird without the 3 Gay Losers bugging me, Carl thought. He decided to lay back in his recliner. All of a sudden, his door made a sound and he went to open it.

"Hey Carl," Frylock said coming in. "Well, grease man, I don't remember saying come in."  
"Oh, sorry man. I'm just in a bad mood today." He went to sit on Carl's couch, sighing. Carl walked over by him.

"Well, not that I care about your personal problems, but, the probs are occuring in MY house. So, I will ask for that reason.........what's wrong?"  
"Shake was using my hypnosis machine and started messin' with Meatwad's head, saying I'm Shake and he's Frylock, meaning that I'm the underdog, and I'm responsible for all the things that the real Shake has done the past 10 or so years. So, Meatwad chased me outta the house, thinking I was Shake." Carl stood in awe.  
"Wow."  
"I know you don't care, but you asked." He got up. "I'll leave you to your afternoon." Carl stopped him.  
"Ahh, you can stay for a short period. I hate to say it, but.....I kinda need some company." Frylock narrowed his eyebrows.  
"Wow Carl, I've never seen this side of you before. I really don't know what to say." "Heh yeah. It's just one of those days, where not much interests me, you know."

Soon after, they both decided to sit down. They both had just noticed and remembered that a porno was on TV. Frylock chuckled.  
"Man, you should really hit a local strip club instead of this, cuz quite frankly, this is pathetic and unreal." Frylock strongly noted the "perfect bodies" of the vivacious blondes.  
"Yeah, always gotta have that fantasy though. Plus, I don't have to have people saying, "Hey you smell like a monkey's ****!" "I never watch this stuff, I mean, that's just me."  
"What, you gay?" Frylock felt threatened.  
"No no no! Of course not, I mean, come on! There's no way that I could be gay!" Frylock looked down a bit. Carl took note of this. "Hmmmm. Come on, man, don't lie to your neighbor." Frylock just sat down. "Look, I don't hate gayness at all. In fact, I-" He was scared to hurt his rep in front of the potato figure.

"I............I've actually, sometimes considered it." Frylock looked at him with narrowed eyebrows.  
"R-really?"  
"Yeah, I mean, chicks are great and all, but they're so naggy and bitchy. And they ask for child support every month! Ahem, well anyway, yeah."  
"I-I kinda...agree with you, Carl."

Frylock sat a bit closer to Carl. He's a great neighbor, Frylock thought. He's always been a bit lighter on me. I wish he was my roomate and not those ***holes. He spoke up.

"You know, Carl? I'm actually glad I'm having a bad day."  
"Heheh, me too."

Carl was actually starting to have a better day now. He's actually a really decent dude, Carl thought. I should've given him another chance, I always compare him to the dynamic duo. Not anymore, of course. He's frickin' awesome. Carl also had something to say.

"Uhh, Fryman, I was wondering. That new "side of me" you mentioned, is it a good thing or a bad thing?" Frylock smiled.  
"Neither........It's a great thing."

So, they both watched porno together, hoping that their better day would turn into a better night. 


	5. FrylockXWongburger

Frylock was sitting in a bar and grill restaurant, reading a newspaper. He told the gang he had a date. They didn't believe him, but whatever. Atleast Frylock could finally be alone.

All of a sudden, a tall guy with glasses walked in and noticed Frylock. He started to walk to his table. Once he got there, he sat down in the booth without Frylock noticing.

When he looked up from the paper, he noticed him. "Uh, what the hell are you doing at my table?"

"Geez, and I thought you were more polite than that." Frylock recognized the voice instantly.  
"Wongburger?"  
"Yes, Dr. Wongburger. I finally realized that I was always so high. I kept thinking I was a dick, a tooth, and then a giant cheeseburger! But in reality-"

"You're a tall human guy." Wong smiled.  
"Yes. You're jealous, aren't you? You are still a floating box of fries, while I'm a handsome homo sapien."  
"I never said I was jealous. Look, I like being who I am. Just cuz you change yourself a lot doesn't mean I have to!"

"Ooooh, feisty are we? Look, I just came to say that I'm sorry for all the mishaps. You know, with the-"  
"I know what all you did, and I accept your apology."  
There was now an awkward silence. Frylock spoke up.  
"Ok, so, is that all you came to say?" Wong spoke up.  
"Umm, I'm not sure."  
"What do you mean you're not sure?"

Wong couldn't help but be turned on by Frylock's fire-hot temper. He wished he would've won the hands on a hamburger contest so that they could've went to Hamburger planet, where he'd confess his inner love for Frylock and he'd turn into the Prince Charming that he was now.

"Hey man, why the hell are your eyes scanning me?" Great, Wong thought. If only my fantasy would've happened, he'd see past my glasses and into my loving pools of eyes. Soon, he snapped back to Earth, where Frylock was backing away from his table.

"I'm just gonna walk away slowly," Wong pulls him back.  
"I'm sorry, Frylock! Please, let Wongburger explain!"  
Frylock decides to sit on the booth table. "Ok. Go on."

Wong cleared his throat. "I kept staring at you because, well, I have a certain thing for you. Please don't run away!" Frylock looked blankly at him. Wong couldn't take it anymore.

"Damn it! I LOVE you! I've taken a liking to you since I thought I was a dick! Your fierceness, your "I won't take any sh**" attitude, a real man! You, for one should know there isn't many of those anymore!" He stopped, gasping for breath.

Frylock stood, bewildered. "I-I don't know what to say-"

"That's okay, you can think about it!" He caressed Frylock's face. "I'll be in the neighborhood, just call for me." He gently took his hand off and walked out of the restaurant.  
Wow, Frylock thought. I definetely need time to think about this. There was only one thing Frylock knew was right at this time, he had somewhat gone on a date. Maybe he wasn't lying after all. 


	6. FrylockXEmory

Instead of trying to find peace at home, Frylock decided to go to the park and lay back on a bench, looking at all of the nature around him..

_CRASH!_

A certain ship crashed right on top of a couple walking by. The inhabitants came out.

"Dude, you always land on people." Emory said.

"Whatever, Emory! Atleast I don't pick my ass in public like YOU DO!" Oglethorpe yelled.

"No, you do!"

"You do!"

"You do!"

"YOU DO!"

All of a sudden, Frylock blasted his lasers right next to them, shutting them up and causing them to look startled.

"Look, I don't care who picks whoever's ass, I just wanna know what the hell you guys want and why you're ruining my day and-"

"Duuuuuude," Oglethorpe calmly interrupted. "You need a little something something, know what I mean, man?"

"Yeah," Emory gently smiled. "You're a lot more awesome and cool when you're calm."

Frylock raised an eyebrow. "Wha-? Don't try to change the subject, man, I just-"

"Jeez, well, he's quite a party pooper, huh Emory?" Oglethorpe said. "I thought you said this was the party central, you LIE, YOU LIE!"

"That's what it said on the invitation."

Oglethorpe looked around and realized something. "You fool! This is planet EARTH, not planet Werth!" He started to go back into the ship. "Let's go so we can make the party central!"

Emory looked at Frylock, rubbing his head. "I don't really wanna go, man."

"Why not?"

"It's probably gonna blow. They don't even have any real bongs there."

Oglethorpe pulls one out. "I'm bringing my own! So you coming or not?"

Emory saw Frylock go back to reading a newspaper on the bench. He loved how he could be so angry one minute, then be super mellow the next.

"No thanks. I'll stay here."

Oglethorpe glared. "Fine, but I'm not bringing any something something back! See you later, sucker faces!" With that, Oglethorpe drove the ship back into the sky, leaving Emory to glance at Frylock. He went ot quietly sit next to him.

Emory, being the quiet one of his duo, didn't know what to say.

"Sorry about that." Emory spoke up, causing Frylock to look at him. "He can be a jerk sometimes."

Frylock put his newspaper down. "Yeah. Makes me wonder how you're still friends with him."

Emory shrugged. "We go way back. That's about it, though."

Things were quiet for a few moments...

"Sorry for ruining your afternoon, by the way."

"You didn't ruin it at all, really." Frylock slightly smiled. "I can actually tolerate you. You should consider being your own man, you're actually really...cool."

Emory slightly blushed. "Really? T-that's awesome, thanks."

Things became silent again. This time, Frylock spoke up.

"So, am I...really better when I'm calm?"

"Yeah, man," Emory replied. "I mean, I feel bad when we come here acting like total dicks to you guys and you become all...mad and stuff." He smiled. "You're one of those guys that should ALWAYS be chill and cool all the time, not all mad because of assholes like us."

Frylock couldn't help but beam. "E-Emory, that's...I-" He wasn't great in situations like this, when people complimented him. "I-thank you so much I-"

"You wanna like.." Emory interrupted. "Do..something?"

Frylock smiled. "You mean like...go see a movie or something?"

Emory smiled. "Anything, really. I just..wanna hang with you and stuff...I-I mean, if that's okay.."

Frylock took his hand. "I'd love to."


End file.
